I’m weak, don’t hate me…
It’s not as bad as you think.? I still have not called, emailed, looked at his facebook page or turned up on his doorstep on my knees?to beg him to take me back.? I have considered doing all of the above at various times.? Obviously.? And when I say “various times” I’m sure you already know that I mean “every minute of every day”.? This is progress however, last week it was “every second of every minute of every day”.??
I digress…?I had the opportunity to ask one of the girls he works with where he was yesterday in a relatively casual fashion (honestly).? He was watching golf.? With The Boys.? He doesn’t even like golf.? More to the point, i HATE golf.? This is the kind of stuff he wanted the freedom to go and do?? Watch golf???? I must be even less fun than I feared…
Hate, hate, hate the weekends.? Have to make sure I fill mine so that I’m not the sad loser who’s?sitting at home and pining for him (much better to be the sad loser who’s out and pining for him) and, inevitably, my mind is filled with questions about where he is and who he’s with.? The questions are bearable actually.? It’s the not-so-helpful answers that my over-imaginative brain comes up with that are about to kill me.? I torture myself hourly with scenarios in which he is deliriously happy,?he meets his dream woman and forgets I ever existed.? There are days when I really think i could get over him, maybe.? But what I can’t get over is the thought of him with someone else.? And then I think there’s no point trying to pretend that I’m ok, because as soon as I hear the rumblings that he’s seeing someone else I’ll just fall apart and die in any case.???So sustained misery is the best course of action; ?at least that way i don’t have too far to fall when the inevitable happens.? Surely this qualifies for least positive outlook on life ever?!? But it’s a sad fact.? No point being happy because there’s something round the corner just waiting to devastate me all over again.? Winner!?
I DO have plans this weekend, so at least I’m spared indoor pining.? Not least of which is to?bag myself a phenomenal dress for next Thursday.? The kind of dress that makes me desirable, irresistible, all-powerful.? The kind of dress that brings him to his knees?and makes him realise that We Have To Be Together.? The kind of dress that makes him forget whatever problems we may have had.? The kind of dress that doesn’t exist.? Well, maybe at Chanel.? But if I had that kind of money I’d already have paid for him to be abducted and hypnotised into loving me.? *plan hatches*
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