It should be pretty clear by now that my main focus is not on getting over him, but on getting back together with him.? Although I have?no clue how to achieve this, as well as little hope that it can be?achieved.? The unhelpful part of my brain keeps telling me that he came back once, so he’ll be back again.? The rational part of my brain recognises that he came back and found the whole experience so horrifying that he?binned me off again after a mere?12 weeks.? My heart likes the unhelpful part better though, so as a result, I am still sitting around waiting for the phone to ring.? Problem being that even though our reconciliation attempt was an unmitigated disaster, the phone only rang?after I had given up any hope of it doing so.? Because that’s the way of things.? So the sooner i forget the idea of getting him back, the more likely the universe is to send him my way again.? Instead, I just keep getting angry with the phone,? Stupid phone.<\/p>\n
I have survived another weekend though.? And has resisted continued temptations to just call him and beg him to come back.? Again though, this is just so he doesnt think I’m a loser and therefore, i hope, increases my chances of him changing his mind again.? again.<\/p>\n
One of the main reasons he came back to me the first time was because a majority of his friends told him he was making a huge error and needed to sack up.? One friend in particular apparently really came out fighting my corner.? Let’s call him Dave – everyone has a mate called Dave, right?? Anyway, he was best man for Dave in May.? I was due to go, but the second dumping came 6 days before the wedding.? I actually pleaded with him to consider us still going together, but he was having none of it (understandably).? That was a horrible, horrible day to get through?but yet another of my friends came through for me so I spent the day barbecuing.? My watch even helpfully stopped (sometimes I really feel there are higher forces at work somewhere), so as long as i avoided clocks I could prevent myself from thinking “it’s 1 o’clock, they’re getting married, it’s 6 o’clock, they must be doing speeches, it’s 2am, he’s meeting his future wife”.? you get the picture.?<\/p>\n
Anyway, I’d facebooked Dave a couple of days before the wedding just to say I hoped they had a great day and was sorry I couldn’t be there etc.? short but dignified.? honest.? As you know though, I’ve been avoiding facebook with dogged determination – this has partly been so I couldn’t check as to whether I’d had a reply or not.? Also, a lot of his friends facebook requested me over the months and I’m scared that they’ll have started deleting me (although I should really just bite the bullet and get rid of them.? And him.? But i can’t quite bring myself to do it – plus, we’re getting back together, right.? So then it’ll just be awkward if I have to re-request them in a couple of months.? I know, I know, I am pitiful.? But stop judging me and just?go ahead and pity me whydontcha?).? However, due to the wonder of technology, i get notifications into my gmail if someone messages me or friend requests me.? So I’ve also been avoiding my gmial account for about a month (if one of your friends has suddenly stopped responding to any contact, it could be me.? call me and I’ll tell you all about My Big Fat Freak Dumping.? actually, don’t call me, I’ll just be pissed off at you for not being him).? However, I had a gmail emergency yesterday, so logged in and this was waiting for me from Dave:<\/p>\n
Hey you,<\/p>\n
Really sorry I haven’t got back to you sooner.? You sent this when I’d already left the office then we had the 3 week honeymoon (oh, the hardship) and now back to work for a week but currently in the US so it’s been pretty hectic.<\/p>\n
Thanks for the note though.? We had a great day for the wedding and also sorry you couldn’t make, the less said about it the better probably!? The honeymoon itself was amazing, posted some pics you can see and a few from the wedding but if you were really interested you could check out the official wedding pics on [photographer website details?were inserted here.? needless to say I’ve spent about an hour sobbing over it.? I am so far from being over this – every picture of him that I see, my first reaction is “look, it’s my boyfriend”.]<\/em><\/p>\n I’m not sure what the situation is ahead but it would be great to keep in touch.? We both think you’re great and enjoyed any time we had together,evenings out etc just a real shame with everything else that’s happened.? I’m sure it’s not been easy for you so I’ll leave the ball in your court.? If you wanted to meet for drinks etc at any point just give us a shout.? Also haven’t really had chance to catch up with [him] properly since I got back so don’t even know if you guys are talking or anything.<\/p>\n I hope all is well other than that and it would be great to keep in touch.<\/p>\n x<\/p>\n And I just think: one of your best mates thinks I am great and wants to keep in touch.? How can we possibly not get back together?? But it’s not enough.? And fear not, I’m not going to take Dave up on his, very sweet, offer.? I’d have 2 things to say: “please make him get back together with me” and “please kill any girl that comes within 200 yards of him from now on”.? I think either one of these might make Dave re-think his current positive opinion of me!? I will decline graciously in a couple of days.? Just as soon as I work up the courage to log in to facebook again.? I think I may insist that someone sits with me to make sure I just decline and log off.? Any other way madness lies.? 6 weeks and counting as of tomorrow.? Still not getting any easier.? And it won’t until I start making it easier on myself and JUST GIVE UP.? As annoyed as you’re undoubtedly getting with me, I’m a hundred times more annoyed at myself.? Promise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It should be pretty clear by now that my main focus is not on getting…<\/p>\n