So, my new pal Mickey went quiet on me after\u00a0I failed \u00a0to send him $100 for the hotel.\u00a0 This was tricky.\u00a0 Part of me wanted to launch into full-on super-stalker mode (I could use the practise, frankly) but equally I sorta wanted to get him back on the hook at least for a bit.<\/p>\n
I decided to go with plaintive.\u00a0 And also started using my newly-created sirjones1@gmail.com<\/a> account to message him:<\/p>\n Beloved, As I have already detailed<\/em> [I hadn’t], my brother is currently recovering from gunshot wounds obtained whilst he attempted to secure the cash for our airline tickets.\u00a0 He may need to leave before me, we are still trying to ascertain the logistics.\u00a0 Is there someone who could meet him at the airport?\u00a0 Do you have any friends who have knowledge of basic first aid?\u00a0 He will need one of his dressings changed as the wound is on his right arm.\u00a0 It is only a little infected though and he is an excellent patient.<\/em><\/p>\n Please reply so that I can be assured that nothing has happened to you and so that we can finalise our arrangements.\u00a0 I only hope that government officials have not overpowered my brave hero. No reply.\u00a0 So the next day I tried this:<\/p>\n Mickey, please let me know that nothing untoward has occurred.\u00a0 I am becoming increasingly concerned.\u00a0 Why aren’t you answering your phone?<\/em> [I hadn’t called it] Has some dreadful fate befallen you?\u00a0 I am praying to all my gods for your safe return to my inbox. fromMicheal Kwesi Owusu michealowusu2000@gmail.com<\/a> Kindly send money to book for the hotel….<\/p>\n So the lure of filthy lucre finally proved too powerful to resist.\u00a0 And maybe all his other suckers had grown wise to his devastatingly unsubtle money-scamming tactics so he’d come back to me out of sheer desperation.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No matter.\u00a0 What to do…\u00a0 Time to empathise.\u00a0 How would I react if I were a slightly creepy and besotted gay man on the prowl, brought back from the brink of despair, with – lest we forget – $800,000 at stake?\u00a0 Let’s see where this goes:<\/p>\n where on earth have you BEEN?????\u00a0 I have been simply FRANTIC.\u00a0 This is not the way to treat people Micheal.<\/em><\/p>\n I thought you had the hotel in hand?\u00a0 Where has my money been if not in a hotel?<\/em><\/p>\n I sent that, then thought I should perhaps hint at the menace that\u00a0 my bullet-riddled, bank-robbing brother brought to the table.\u00a0 Sir Jones II is not a man to be trifled with and Mickey Boy should probably know that…<\/p>\n My brother is very keen for reassurance that you still intend to honour your promise to return my money to me.\u00a0 Normally, I wouldn’t dream of asking such a question of you, but in his frail physical condition, it’s not wise for him to stay as angry as he is.\u00a0 So please confirm that my 800k is safe and will be returned in full?<\/em><\/p>\n Double-teaming Mickey seems to work pretty well (more of which later) and provoked his first unscripted multi-sentence reply.<\/p>\n fromMicheal Kwesi Owusu michealowusu2000@gmail.com<\/a> Yes your money is save with me and all you need to do is to send $100 so that l can have it well saved in the labadi beach hotel. lm not treating you bad if l were l wont have contacted you at the first place<\/p>\n you are the one delaying things here.<\/p>\n Micheal<\/p>\n Well that told ME.\u00a0 Delaying things am I?\u00a0 Looks as though I’m going to have to speed things along then: I had no idea that the small matter of $100 was what stood in your way.\u00a0 Sir\u00a0Jones II and I should be arriving on Saturday, so I’ve taken the liberty of booking a room for you for the week.\u00a0\u00a0 All the details are below, I gather you just have to print off and present at the hotel when you check in.\u00a0 The room is booked from tomorrow, I thought it was only right to give you a couple of days to try out the robes and keep the bed warm for my arrival. Thank you for your reservation made through booking.com. Please print this confirmation and show it upon check in.<\/p>\n
\n\u00a0
\nI have sent you numerous emails in the last 2 days<\/em> [I hadn’t], but as yet have had no reply.
\n\u00a0
\nCould the Ghana government be intercepting our emails?\u00a0 I am emailing you from my gmail account in an attempt to throw them off the scent.\u00a0 There seems to be no other explanantion – why on earth would you ignore my emails at such a critical point?<\/em><\/p>\n
\n\u00a0
\nxxx<\/em><\/p>\n
\n<\/em>
\nAll my gods were clearly listening, because Mickey was back in my inbox a mere 3 days later.\u00a0 The cad.<\/p>\n
\nto: Sir Jones
\ndate: 23 May 2011 09:47
\nsubject Re: Is something wrong?<\/p>\n
\nto: Sir Jones
\ndate: 24 May 2011 10:19
\nsubject Re: Is something wrong?<\/p>\n
\n
\nDearheart,
\n\u00a0
\nDon’t let’s fall out, this all seems to have been a simple misunderstanding.\u00a0 I would hate to think that our meeting should be overshadowed by petty disputes over whose fault this was (I rather suspect it was yours).\u00a0 Onward and upward!<\/em><\/p>\n
\n\u00a0
\nPlease make yourself comfortable and we’ll see you on Saturday.\u00a0 Please let me know if one of your friends could pick us up from the airport?\u00a0 I had asked you last week, but I think perhaps you were too busy daydreaming about me to realise.\u00a0 Naughty boy…
\n\u00a0
\nAnd, just so I can begin to revel in delicious anticipation of our meeting, are you a top or a bottom?\u00a0 Sir\u00a0Jones II is a switch but he mostly prefers docking nowadays.\u00a0 Although I’ll probably need to help him, his wounded arm is still giving him dreadful trouble.
\n\u00a0
\nPlease let me know if there is anything further that you require – could I bring you some small trinket from my faraway land?\u00a0 A new Magic Tree perhaps?\u00a0 We have New Car fragrance in England – you’ll love it.
\n\u00a0
\nDrop me a line tomorrow when you’re settled in – would a photo of you in the robe be too much to ask at this juncture?\u00a0 I feel I have waited long enough to ogle the delights I will soon be sampling…
\n\u00a0
\nxxx<\/em>
\nFrom: booking.com <customer.service@booking.com<\/a>>
\nDate: 24 May 2011 18:56
\nSubject: Your booking at Labadi Beach Hotel
\nTo: sirjones1@gmail.com<\/a>
\nBooking confirmation
\nDear Sir Jones,<\/p>\n