I think this may be the last I\/we hear of Mickey.\u00a0 But all good things must come to an end.\u00a0 And I like to think Sir Jones\u00a0went out in style.<\/p>\n
He didn’t go to the hotel (as far as I am aware) and the mercenary little fucker was soon straight onto me for some cash:<\/p>\n
Micheal Kwesi Owusu michealowusu2000@gmail.com<\/a> l need a bullion van to take the box to the labadi hotel and it cost $40.please send it now so that l can take the box there. Well, REALLY…<\/p>\n Errrrrr, Michael, I don’t wish to appear indelicate, but I’m somewhat disappointed that you haven’t seen fit to thank me for the $3,000 I’ve just spent on a hotel for you and are, in fact, merely emailing me to ask for a further investment on my part.\u00a0 Am I to surmise that the man who has conquered my very heart, mind and soul is wholly without manners????<\/em><\/p>\n I can, of course, advance you $40.\u00a0 But what on earth do you need a bullion van for?\u00a0 All you’re transporting is a metal box.\u00a0 And surely you removed the box from the scene of the accident in your taxi.\u00a0 Why is there suddenly a need for a van? Why have I still not received a photo of you?\u00a0 Apologies for the brusqueness of this email, but a man has his limits.\u00a0 I still look forward to probing yours at the weekend.<\/em><\/p>\n I am annoyed, but I am yours, Turns out the lure of a massive $40 payday was all it took to excite Mickey into a multi-paragraph response:<\/p>\n Micheal Kwesi Owusu michealowusu2000@gmail.com<\/a> Yes l need a bullion van to take the box to the labadi hotel,l can understand you spent money for the hotel and lm also making alot of arrangement to welcome you here as soon as you arrive ..you have nothing to worry about everything will be in good condition.My car is at the work shop at this time and l need to Transport the Box with the bullion van for security reason while taking it to the Labadi hotel.<\/p>\n here is the information you will need to send the $40 below via western union close to you:<\/p>\n Name :Micheal Owusu As soon as you send the money today and l’ve is cashed l’ll transport the Box to the hotel asap.You dont need to get upset as soon as you arrive and we get the Box open everyone of us will be happy.Kindly get back to me asap with the WESTERN UNION\u00a0 MTCN CONTROL NUMBER as l wait to hear from you soon.<\/p>\n Thank you for the understanding.<\/p>\n Micheal.<\/p>\n I tossed up sending him off to Western Union to pick up 4 cents, but I could always keep that carrot dangling in reserve.\u00a0 I still wanted him to to go the hotel.\u00a0 But time was running out if I was arriving on Saturday.\u00a0 What to do…?\u00a0 In the end, I went for the option that was cheaper on my wallet (4 cents is 4 cents):<\/p>\n Mickey! <\/em>No reply after 24 hours, so I think Mickey has realised there is no gold at the end of the Jones’ rainbow.\u00a0 I sent another email this morning to keep up appearances – Sir Jones would undoubtedly be concerned at being $800k out of pocket – and took the opportunity to send Mickey a message in my own inimitable style:<\/p>\n from:Sir\u00a0Jones sirjones1@gmail.com<\/a> Mickey, where are you?\u00a0 I waited for you all day.\u00a0 Are you able to call us at the hotel?\u00a0 Jiminy will come and find us so that you and I can at last converse.\u00a0 I am a little perturbed by your silence – you’re not going to make off with my money are you?\u00a0 I hate to ask, but Sir\u00a0Jones II is becoming very suspicious of your intentions.<\/em><\/p>\n I have spent all day today composing you this little ode as a token of my esteem whilst my brother has been hard at work with his welder and greeting his Somalian sailor friends.\u00a0 We are quite a party now!<\/em><\/p>\n You are mine! What do you think?<\/em><\/p>\n Do call or come to see us without delay.\u00a0 The van is ready and so am I.\u00a0 Sir Jones II and the Somalians are likely to get restless unless we hear from you tomorrow.\u00a0 The pina coladas here are all very fine, but they’d taste so much sweeter from your belly button.\u00a0 I may have had one too many…<\/em><\/p>\n xxx<\/em><\/p>\n PS Sir\u00a0Jones II wants to know where he can get an acrostic?<\/p>\n <\/em>If you don’t know what an acrostic is, your English teachers deserve a sound beating.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I think this may be the last I\/we hear of Mickey.\u00a0 But all good things…<\/p>\n
\ndate26 May 2011 16:08
\nsubjectRe: Your booking at Labadi Beach Hotel<\/p>\n
\n\u00a0
\nwaiting to hear from you soon.
\n\u00a0
\nMicheal.<\/p>\n
\n\u00a0
\nSend me details of your nearest Western Union and I’ll send you the money without delay so the van can be in position prior to my arrival on Saturday.\u00a0 I must understand what the purpose of the van is first though.<\/strong>\u00a0 If I discover you’re just using it to get into scrapes with your buddies Hannibal, Face and Murdoch, I will pity you fools.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nForever,
\nSJ (I)<\/em><\/p>\n
\n27May 2011 12:57
\nsubjectRe: Your booking at Labadi Beach Hotel<\/p>\n
\nAddress: 23 beach road
\nCity:Osu
\nState:Accra
\nZipcode:00233
\nCountry : Ghana
\nAmount to send:$40
\nText question: For what
\nAnswer: Transport<\/p>\n
\n\u00a0
\nWe are here!\u00a0 But you are not…\u00a0 Jiminy Cricket (such a dearheart) on reception says you haven’t been to the hotel at all.\u00a0 What a catastrophic waste of money.\u00a0 Where are you hiding?
\n\u00a0
\nUpon arrival we realised that our telephones do not work in Africa, I keep telling Sir\u00a0Jones II that we should get upgrades, but he’s so terribly stuck in his ways.\u00a0 He drives a car you have to wind up every morning.\u00a0 I love a good wind-up as much as the next man, but there are limits.\u00a0 Anyway, I digress.\u00a0 Jiminy (lovely boy) has allowed us the use of the hotel telephone and I have tried to call you numerous times, but to no avail.\u00a0 Should I procure some tin cans, string and a pigeon?\u00a0 Please let me know how we can contact you, Sir\u00a0Jones II is becoming restless and is muttering darkly about setting the Somalians out in pursuit of you.\u00a0 I’m sure none of us wants that.
\n\u00a0
\nWe will be by the pool all day today, please do stop by so that we can finally meet (!) and finalise arrangements for the return of my money to me.\u00a0 SJ II is out buying a van and should return shortly.\u00a0 You have seen our photos, so we should be easy enough to identify.\u00a0 I will be wearing red speedos (snug-fitting) so you will be able to tell us apart – SJ II sunbathes nude.
\n\u00a0
\nI long for our union.
\n\u00a0
\nxxx<\/p>\n
\nto: Micheal Kwesi Owusu <michealowusu2000@gmail.com<\/a>>
\ndate: 29 May 2011 23:25
\nsubject: URGENT – come to the hotel immediately!!!!<\/p>\n
\nOh answer to all my boyish prayers!
\nUnique, one of a kind, they made no spares,
\nA Prince amongst men, King of my heart,
\nRounded buttocks for me you’ll part.
\nEver loving!
\nAlways true!
\nStraight from Heaven sent, were you.
\nCherish me!
\nAdore me!
\nMickey, Mickey, Mickey,
\nMickey, Mickey, Mickey dear,
\nInsert literary symbolism here.
\nNaughty Boy, you’ll soon be rammed,
\nGhana government be damned.
\nFist me, felch me, fuck me too.
\nUnderstand:there’s nothing I won’t do.
\nCum for me, let’s be as one,
\nKiss me slowly when we’re done.
\nWonder of my life,
\nI give you all my heart,
\nTil Death Mickey (Death, Mickey) Death do us part.<\/em><\/p>\n