{"id":469,"date":"2014-12-19T00:50:11","date_gmt":"2014-12-19T00:50:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/?p=469"},"modified":"2020-10-30T01:23:42","modified_gmt":"2020-10-30T01:23:42","slug":"when-in-romance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/?p=469","title":{"rendered":"When In Romance"},"content":{"rendered":"

So.\u00a0\u00a0Many, many years ago, I ‘fessed up right here to my addiction to self-help books<\/a>.\u00a0 Later, I also disclosed my mercifully short-lived obsession with the Twilight books<\/a>.\u00a0 Now, the time has come to reveal my latest literary infraction.\u00a0 Yes, I’m here to talk about the seething hotbed of lust that is the New Adult novel.\u00a0 This latest activity has ruined<\/strong> the credibility of my Amazon\u00a0recommendations “Based On Your Browsing History” and means if anyone can see my screen, I have to\u00a0open Amazon crouching over\u00a0it like\u00a0Pete Townshend doing ‘research’.<\/p>\n

For the uninitiated,\u00a01) make sure you stay that way 2) New Adult is the dirty bitch\u00a0of\u00a0 Romance Fiction.\u00a0\u00a0Basically, chick lit with fewer laughs, no sense of irony\u00a0and more semen.\u00a0 Mills and Boner, if you will.\u00a0 The magnum\u00a0opus\u00a0of the genre is the Holy Trinity of Fifty Shades, the slutty older sister of the Twilight series.\u00a0 EL\u00a0James used to write BDSM\u00a0Twilight fan fiction, then took\u00a0those stories, aged all the character by about\u00a05 years, took out the\u00a0blood-sucking and the wolves and made history.\u00a0 I’ve never actually read the Fifty Shades books.\u00a0 I’ll always proclaim that this is because I’ve been advised that the prose is shriekingly bad, but given the utterly meritless\u00a0crap I’m about to admit to having read, it’s probably more out of sheer obstinacy than anything else.\u00a0 Although I\u00a0believe there are lots of mentions of “inner goddesses” and that pretty\u00a0much\u00a0makes me want to hurl.\u00a0 More on lady garden euphemisms later.<\/p>\n

As\u00a0in all things, you\u00a0never forget your\u00a0first, and my opening\u00a0foray into these murky, badly-written waters was Beautiful Disaster by Jamie Maguire.\u00a0 Looking at my Amazon history,\u00a0it’s not obvious\u00a0what on earth\u00a0provoked the order, but I think it must have been a recommendation.\u00a0 Thanks\u00a0Amazon.\u00a0 Wankers.\u00a0 At time of writing, this book has 4 1\/2 stars from 1,026 reviews<\/a>.\u00a0 I thought I was in safe hands.\u00a0 Thanks\u00a0reviewers.\u00a0 Wankers.\u00a0 My inclusion of this title is not an endorsement and I urge you not to read it.\u00a0 Think of it as me showing you\u00a0a crime scene; it should not encourage you to commit a crime of your own.\u00a0 I ripped through the first third breathlessly, was confused and disappointed by the alarming sag in the second third and despaired of my very existence by the book’s conclusion.\u00a0 This is a pattern I would come to recognise.\u00a0 The book was absolutely fucking AWFUL and I\u00a0tore through\u00a0it in a day.\u00a0 And downloaded and tore through\u00a0the sequel the very\u00a0same evening.\u00a0 Yep, I was hooked all right.\u00a0 Book 2 was even worse.\u00a0 I would, eventually, read Book 3, but even I balked at paying for\u00a0it and found it free on a dodgy\u00a0download site instead.\u00a0 Fuck me, it was stupid.\u00a0 But still, I scrounged around Amazon\u00a0like\u00a0a\u00a0fat kid craving doughnuts, trying to find a book that got the formula right.<\/p>\n

Because the beauty of these books is the formula.\u00a0 Soothing in its predictability and simplicity of form.\u00a0 In the same way that I’d rather watch 5 episodes of CSI than an hour of The Wire (ok, I’d rather\u00a0watch pretty much anything than an hour of The Wire), they’re light, disposable and blur into one with mind-numbing ease.\u00a0 Unfortunately, they’re also fucking awful and I\u00a0long to be released from their grip.\u00a0 It’s starting to feel like a tortuous\u00a0mythological quest (again, with more semen) where one day\u00a0I will find The Good One and all the others, and their authors,\u00a0will be cast into the furnaces of Hell to burn for all eternity.\u00a0 There must be a good one<\/strong>.\u00a0 \u00a0There are absolutely thousands of them, so my work is cut out.\u00a0Amazon has 7,303 New Adult novels on Kindle alone.\u00a0 There’s a lot written about the fact that women are far more likely to read porn<\/del> New Adult fiction on Kindles as other people can’t tell that you’re reading Something Dirty.\u00a0 I’d happily flash porn all over the Tube without fear of judgement or reprisal, I just don’t want anyone to realise what\u00a0badly-written drivel\u00a0I’m reading.\u00a0 A girl has some limits.<\/p>\n

Browsing this category is absolutely fascinating.\u00a0 As ever, Amazon makes it as easy as possible to home-in on exactly<\/em> what you’re after and so we have the following sub-categories available within the genre:<\/p>\n

\"Screen<\/a><\/p>\n

So far, so weird.\u00a0 I mean, Love Triangle, Workplace, Second Chances\u00a0I can just about\u00a0understand.\u00a0 But International?\u00a0 Beaches??\u00a0 Secret Baby???\u00a0 That’s our 4th biggest category here.\u00a0 What’s hot about Secret Babies????\u00a0 And who doesn’t love Amnesia porn?\u00a0 Does “Medical” mean ‘Hot Doctor’ or something more surgically\u00a0sinister? So many questions…<\/p>\n

But we’re about to go so much further down the rabbit\u00a0hole.\u00a0 You can pick your hero as well.\u00a0 Brace yourselves:<\/p>\n

\"Screen<\/a><\/p>\n

Fucking Highlanders???\u00a0 I’m not even really sure what a Highlander is.\u00a0 I do know that There Can Be Only One, yet\u00a0we’ve got 33 of the fuckers screaming out to be read.\u00a0 Politicians outrank Firefighters???\u00a0 WTF?\u00a0 And look how far “Wealthy” outranks everything else…\u00a0 As I’ll get into,\u00a0my own\u00a0experience actually\u00a0pinpoints\u00a0more mundane\u00a0career choices (notable exception being the porn-star-turned-Navy-SEAL-turned-federal-agent.\u00a0 Yeah, that can happen in NA World).<\/p>\n

So… without further ado, here’s Everything I’ve Learned\u00a0From Reading\u00a0New Adult Novels (So You Don’t Have To):<\/p>\n

1) All NA books are set in the US, even when the vocabulary used makes it obvious that the book has been written by an English author.\u00a0 I think it’s because the characters will\u00a0behave like complete morons for several hundred pages and we’re all\u00a0very accepting of Americans being stupid.<\/p>\n

2) All NA books are written by homely-looking\u00a0housewives who live\u00a0in\u00a0a suburb of\u00a0Bumfuck Nowhere.\u00a0 All power to them, but the fact that they spend their weekends ferrying their kids from Little League to Dennys whilst their husband paints the front porch does manifest itself somewhat offputtingly\u00a0when they’re trying to describe hot dates between our couple.\u00a0 Any\u00a0bawdy nights out clubbing appear to have been inspired by repeatedly watching the nightclub scene from Basic Instinct<\/a>\u00a0and everyone eats either steak or lasagne when they go out for dinner.<\/p>\n

3) The story arc goes as follows:
\nFirst act – couple meet, they immediately lust after\u00a0one another (especially if they hate one another), neither one of them is like anyone that the other has ever wanted before.\u00a0 Conflict prevents them from being together.\u00a0 Even if they have sex within the first 3 pages, Conflict will always intervene immediately.\u00a0 Which cues you up for:
\nSecond act – Conflict is resolved. Couple definitively get it on. And on.\u00a0 And on.\u00a0 Everyone makes long term plans and looks forward to living happily ever after.\u00a0 Conflict then occurs AGAIN.\u00a0 This is sometimes the same Conflict from Act One\u00a0that we, hapless readers, discover was not actually resolved after all or it can be an entirely new Conflict that’s been clumsily\u00a0cobbled together because the formula demands MORE CONFLICT.\u00a0 In both instances, The Conflict only exists to\u00a0increase the word count of the\u00a0book and ensure that Make Up Sex occurs.\u00a0 This is usually where the book becomes beyond stupid and unravels.\u00a0 And we go hurtling towards:
\nThird act – Hero and heroine are separated by second act Conflict.\u00a0\u00a0Both are depicted as glamorously tormented during this period, furniture is nearly always broken\u00a0and they may or may not have revenge\/desperation sex with other people.\u00a0 Then The Conflict is resolved, effusive speeches about the complex vagaries of love are exchanged,\u00a0everyone is a better person than they were before\u00a0and everyone lives happily ever after.\u00a0 There’s usually a wedding or at least a proposal.\u00a0 In about 25% of all stories, the heroine is knocked up by now.\u00a0 Given that the average passage of time across the 3 acts is about 6 months – during which our lovers have only been together for collectively around 6-12 weeks – I find this a bit creepy.\u00a0 Is a\u00a0laden uterus really the erotic\u00a0culmination of all of our girlish fantasies?\u00a0 In any case, Act Three is where the book descends into utter bullshit and you start to question your very existence, possibly whilst throwing things and bleeding from the eyes.<\/p>\n

4) Heroines always have normal, unexceptional names.\u00a0 Heroes have names that sound like\u00a0the roll call in a Young Offenders Institute: Blake, Trey, Reed, Blaise, Tax, Rafe, Chasyn, Rider, Baylor, Stinger.\u00a0 There was one called Clive, but that’s equally ridiculous for entirely different reasons.\u00a0 To misquote When Harry Met Sally: “Give it to me… Clive”.\u00a0 I don’t think<\/em> so.<\/p>\n

5) The heroes have basically\u00a07 jobs: student, athlete, bare-knuckle\u00a0fighter, billionaire, musician, policeman, accountant.\u00a0 You can get combinations of these: students and accountants who bare-knuckle fight on the side, billionaire athletes and musicians, you get the idea.\u00a0 Billionaire NA fiction is\u00a0a whole sub-category of its own.\u00a0 No measly millionaires for the NA crew, no way.\u00a0 Accountants are surprisingly prevalent in NA.\u00a0 I can only assume they’re considered\u00a0the investment bankers of the mid-west.<\/p>\n

6) All heroes have insane bodies and are described with 8-packs with boring regularity.\u00a0 Now, obviously, we’re all in favour of guys with insane bodies.\u00a0 I wouldn’t want to read about some clown with a beer belly and bandy knees.\u00a0 BUT, the non-athlete contingent of our heroes have achieved levels of\u00a0ripped that would make David Beckham weep with inadequacy, whilst spending their entire time gazing lustfully at our heroine with nary a thought for the gym.\u00a0 I’ve spent WEEKS gazing lustfully at people in my time and it’s done jack shit for my abs.\u00a0 Are they secret bulimics??<\/p>\n

7) Heroes have\u00a03 haircuts (not each, between them): buzz cut (fighters), long hair (musicians) and an ill-defined haircut where\u00a0“locks”\u00a0fall\u00a0over our hero’s eyes and our heroine longs to reach out and brush\u00a0them away.\u00a0 The vast majority of NA heroes have this haircut and I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to\u00a0look like.\u00a0 It sounds disturbingly like curtains<\/a>.\u00a0 Incidentally, the guy on the front cover of the book will bear no resemblance whatsoever to the\u00a0guy described in the book.\u00a0 I have no idea why this is.<\/p>\n

8) Most heroes have a tattoo.\u00a0 Some have tattoos as a plot device (I promise).\u00a0 There’s a whole subset of NA involving aggressively muscular guys with full sleeves and piercings a-go-go, including an entire series of books called The Inked Brotherhood.\u00a0 Even I\u00a0have too much self-respect to read those.\u00a0 N.B. Lip piercings will ALWAYS be “tugged” on by our heroine’s teeth\u00a0whilst our hero moans “raggedly”.<\/p>\n

9) The hero is always, always a total man-whore.\u00a0 He will have fucked approximately a billion women (Minimum.\u00a0He’s probably fucked you<\/em>), but all this has left him with is a deep feeling of emptiness, as well as killer skills in the sack.\u00a0 In spite of his prodigious promiscuity, he’s always used condoms (until he and the heroine don’t, in a beautiful and heartfelt moment)\u00a0and does not have herpes.\u00a0 Not even a little bit of herpes.\u00a0 Upon meeting our heroine (who will have slept with 0-3 people), he promptly has the best sex of his life even though he’s regularly been beejed senseless\u00a0by women who can swallow their own tonsils.\u00a0 All women who have slept with the hero,\u00a0but are not the heroine,\u00a0are sluts who\u00a0wear cheap perfume, bodycon dresses and too much lipgloss.\u00a0 The heroine, in contrast,\u00a0is 18-25, doesn’t really wear make-up, feels self-conscious in anything other than jeans and doesn’t know how beautiful and desirable\u00a0she is.\u00a0 This is despite the fact that every man in the book <\/span>will try it on with her, inciting the hero’s jealous ire.<\/p>\n

10) The hero always, always has a dead or\u00a0absent\u00a0mother.\u00a0 If absent,\u00a0she is always, always\u00a0abusive\u00a0and suffers from\u00a0some sort of substance\u00a0addiction.\u00a0 In the 0.5% of books where his mother is\u00a0alive and adorable, he always, always has a dead girlfriend.\u00a0 This prevalence of dead women\u00a0makes\u00a0the hero\u00a0brooding and tortured.\u00a0 Even if outwardly the hero appears carefree and happy-go-lucky, inwardly he’s brooding and tortured.\u00a0 Every time.\u00a0 This usually contributes to the inevitable First Act Conflict and enables the author to make\u00a0our hero\u00a0react to everyday situations in totally bizarre ways that defy the accepted norms of\u00a0human behaviour.\u00a0 The heroine is always the only person who can reach him through this inner anguish and leave him “at peace”.\u00a0 The hero being “at peace” is a big deal in the NA novel, the physical manifestation of which is the hero gazing at the heroine through eyes that have become “unclouded pools”.\u00a0 They’ve usually previously been “stormy”.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Stormy eyes.\u00a0 I don’t get it\u00a0either and that\u00a0brings me to:<\/p>\n

11) There are a LOT of weather analogies.\u00a0\u00a0Torrents, cyclones, whirlwinds, storms, tempests, thunder.\u00a0 Maybe Ian McCaskill was the ultimate inspiration for all NA heroes.\u00a0 Volcano, tsunamis and oceans also come in for massive overuse.\u00a0\u00a0Curiously, every single NA novel, ever, will contain the phrase “Holy Hell”.\u00a0 I had never, ever heard this expression before but you can guarantee it will\u00a0be slung across the page at some point.\u00a0 I sometimes think there’s only 1 author churning all of these books out.\u00a0\u00a0BURN THE WITCH.<\/p>\n

12) The hero is\u00a0almost always\u00a0an absolute off-the-scale\u00a0freaking genius.\u00a0 If not, he’s either:
\na) painfully aware and tortured\u00a0that he’s not particularly well-educated, but\u00a0has an extraordinary talent for\u00a0sport or\u00a0art or\u00a0music or similar.\u00a0 Our heroine soothes him by focussing on\u00a0and nurturing\u00a0this talent
\nor
\nb) a policeman (I swear I’m not making this up).
\nIn NA, it’s fine not to\u00a0be clever nor to have any discernible talent for anything\u00a0if you’re a policeman.\u00a0 Incidentally, portraying the hero as a genius when the author of the novel is not exactly\u00a0A\u00a0Great Mind can lead to\u00a0absurd results.\u00a0 The most prevalent\u00a0examples of this are clunky insertions of Latin into the book, misspelled words or\u00a0glaringly odd vocabulary.\u00a0 In my favourite ever\u00a0instance,\u00a0our heroine muses on first meeting our hero that, for a cage fighter (oh yes), he makes “interestingly intellectual word choices” and therefore has Hidden Depths.\u00a0 There’s actually been no evidence of his\u00a0intellectual word choices\u00a0in any of their conversations\u00a0so far.\u00a0 Then, about 15 lines later on, he describes her having a stalker thus: “that doesn’t seem copacetic”.\u00a0 This literally comes out of nowhere.\u00a0 I had to google it <\/a>to check that copacetic was even a word.\u00a0 It is, but it’s\u00a0not a word that been used by anyone else, ever, in the history of the English language and he just drops it right in there.\u00a0 Oh… he’s deep. \u00a0I get it.\u00a0 And she doesn’t even\u00a0have to ask what it means.\u00a0 Gee, she’s smart too.\u00a0 Hilariously,\u00a0the author then promptly forgets about the depths and\u00a0our cage fighter\u00a0doesn’t use a word of more than 2 syllables for the rest of the book.\u00a0 Which just isn’t copacetic.<\/p>\n

13) You would not believe the number of supposedly white-hot\u00a0demi-gods who wear khakis in these books.\u00a0 I mean, seriously.\u00a0\u00a0They’re then subsequently described erotically removing said khakis before launching themselves into our heroine’s lady parts.\u00a0 ALAN FUCKING PARTRIDGE WEARS KHAKIS.\u00a0 They might as well\u00a0portray these guys seductively shrugging off a polyester cardigan.
\nAll books also refer to “dress shirts”.\u00a0 As far as I can tell, a dress shirt is “a shirt” as all other possible\u00a0derivations of shirt are described with\u00a0dreary accuracy throughout the books.\u00a0 Abbreviated list: t-shirt, long-sleeved t-shirt,\u00a0polo shirt, plaid shirt, sleeveless plaid shirt (all fighters own several of these.\u00a0 I have no idea why), tank (more prosaic than “wifebeater”), button down shirt, button up shirt.\u00a0 I’m not making this shit up, look at this lot getting into it<\/a>.\u00a0 There is\u00a0almost always a scene in which\u00a0the hero\u00a0picks the heroine up for a date\u00a0whilst wearing a “dress shirt” as a declaration of monogamous\u00a0intent.<\/p>\n

14) When declaring monogamous intent with his penis, our hero will be entering our heroine’s “folds” (usually “soft”)\u00a0that are either “velvety” or “silken”.\u00a0 The heroine also\u00a0has a\u00a0“core”, a “sex” and “inner walls”.\u00a0 Was there ever a less sensual phrase than “inner walls”? \u00a0It\u00a0evokes the inside of a bicycle tyre.\u00a0 Our lovers will say “pussy” but only when talking dirty to one another\u00a0 – which the heroine will at first do\u00a0shyly, then with increasing confidence, which thrills our hero.\u00a0 Only one in every 30 heroes will ever say “cunt” and this is only\u00a0to underline what a dirty, dirty, borderline-sex-criminal, depraved\u00a0bastard he is.\u00a0“Clit” is fine and is used with gay abandon until repetition dictates that the occasional “nub”\u00a0is\u00a0thrown in for relief.\u00a0 Men have “shafts” that are either “velvety” (yep, that word again) or “veined and ridged”.\u00a0 Mouths “crash”, tongues “lash” and our heroine is either “devoured”, “consumed” or “inhaled” by her paramour.\u00a0\u00a0Given that the books are, let’s face it, mainly about fucking, the vocabulary used to describe it\u00a0is extraordinarily narrow and extremely consistent across all the books. However,\u00a0NA authors do\u00a0scour their collective thesauri for synonyms of “wet” and “shudder”.\u00a0 Sadly, the sex scenes are rarely even remotely hot, but they can usually be\u00a0relied\u00a0upon to provoke\u00a0an absurd reaction from at least one of our 2 protagonists, and so the Conflict\u00a0stutters on.<\/p>\n

15) At some point during the Third Act, the hero Will. Start. Talking. Like. This.\u00a0 This is to demonstrate the depth of his emotions for the heroine And. Enables. Him. To. Convey. These. In A. Strangulated. Way. Whilst. He. Wrestles. With. His. Feelings. And. Tries. To. Overcome. His. Brooding. And.\u00a0Tortured. Inner. Turmoil.\u00a0 He will also “roar” “YOU ARE MINE”\u00a0into her face\u00a0at some point, in a way that actually\u00a0manages to be deeply creepy.\u00a0 The\u00a0ultimate achievement\u00a0is, of course,\u00a0roaring\u00a0“YOU. ARE. MINE.”, a well-worn trope of the genre.<\/p>\n

16) Speaking of deeply creepy, approx. 25% of our heroes will demonstrate levels of controlling behaviour that should encourage a restraining order rather than weak-kneed lust.\u00a0 Virtually all NA will have the hero temporarily turning into a jealous lunatic after woefully misinterpreting another man’s intentions towards our bemused heroine at some point (Conflict!), but there are heroes who go so far beyond this as to become clinically insane.\u00a0 In the most extreme example, I spent the entire second half of the\u00a0book waiting for the hero to be unmasked as a total psycho and for another hero to be whisked out from the wings in the third act when the psycho was incarcerated\/committed.\u00a0 But no.\u00a0 Apparently smacking the shit out of her ex for no real reason,\u00a0ripping up\/off\u00a0any clothes that he\u00a0decided were not demure enough for public view and essentially seeking to control\u00a0each of the most minute\u00a0aspects of her life whilst dropping her like a stone if any minor act displeased him was #romantic.\u00a0 THEY GOT MARRIED. \u00a0But, you know, he has a dead mother and is brooding and tormented.\u00a0 What’s a guy to do?<\/p>\n

17) More often than not, the books come with a playlist of songs that inspired the author as she wrote each chapter.\u00a0 When I skim-read the list, having read\u00a0some horrible, horrible book inspired by some horrible, horrible music (The Script, anyone?), I generally reach the deepest corner of my NA\u00a0pit of\u00a0self-loathing.<\/p>\n

18)\u00a0The\u00a0final clich\u00e9 that I’ll leave you with is a biggie.\u00a0 Originally a cynical cash cow, it’s now become almost standard throughout the genre.\u00a0 I’m talking about the dual-point-of-view\u00a0novel(s).\u00a0 This is where the narrative voice switches between our heroine and our hero.\u00a0 Some authors shamelessly repeat entire\u00a0pages of\u00a0the book, just to describe the other character’s blinking from their perspective.\u00a0 It’s sold as “get inside the brooding, tortured mind of Hero X”, but these are mid-Western housewife authors, not psychologists or professors of gender studies, so the\u00a0hero’s\u00a0narrative\u00a0voice is virtually identical to the heroine’s, he just swears more frequently and more creatively.\u00a0 That’s it.\u00a0 The narrative usually flips from chapter to chapter, but the most successful NA authors get away with writing a ‘sequel’ which is the same story as the ‘heroine’ original,\u00a0regurgitated from the hero’s perspective.\u00a0 2 books for the creative input of one.\u00a0 Double the royalties, half the integrity.<\/p>\n

In summary: I implore you not to read them; I pity you if you’ve found yourself\u00a0as captivated\u00a0by them as I have.\u00a0 Now, enough with the writing.\u00a0 I’ve. Got. Some. Reading. To. Do.<\/p>\n

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So.\u00a0\u00a0Many, many years ago, I ‘fessed up right here to my addiction to self-help books.\u00a0…<\/p>\n

Read the postWhen In Romance<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-469","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-shitbooks","excerpt","zoom","full-without-featured","even","excerpt-0"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/469","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=469"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/469\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":549,"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/469\/revisions\/549"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=469"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=469"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.soanyway.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=469"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}