Well, most of a bottle. Went to a house party on Saturday and didn’t get home until 5am. To put this into context, we got there at about 8:30 and I normally get bored and leave any party by about midnight. All hail the power of a barbecue and Footloose on an Ipod. And possibly all the rum. hahaha! Obviously I’m not suddenly All Better but I got a brief relief from Endless Over-Analysing and *huzzah* even had a brief moment as I ran around filling peoples’ pockets with spinach (yes, really, I don;t know what comes over me sometimes) where I thought if we were together I possibly wouldn’t have gone to the party at all and I certainly wouldn’t have had such a good time. Small steps. Although I probably also wouldn’t have had to hold a sick bag up to some poor unfortunate’s face as he spewed in our cab all the way home. Moral: rum good, sambucca bad.
In other news, yesterday I bit the bullet and finally replied to Dave’s Facebook message. I typed it out in Word, copied it, logged into Facebook, went straight to my inbox, pasted it, sent it, logged out. Yay me. Overwhelmed by urge to see whether Sarah is now Facebook friends with him. But really, what difference does it make? So see below:
Hey hey,
My turn to apologise for a delayed reply! I?ve not been on Facebook in a while?
Really glad you and [bride] obviously had such a lovely day. It looks as though you enjoyed the benefits of the only sunny Saturday so far this year! (did [bride] do a deal with the Dark Forces? Keep a close eye on your firstborn if so?)
Thank very much for your message, I actually wasn?t really expecting a reply at all, much less one as sweet. As you guessed, things have been pretty tough ? I?m still really confused and don?t understand what went wrong, which isn?t helping me to get over things, not to mention the fact that I?m still hideously in love with him. BUT, I?m doing what I can and I?m still breathing – and even smiling on occasion – so that?ll do for now.
I?m really touched that you?d still like to stay in contact, but for the foreseeable future, it?s a bad idea. If we did meet up, I know I?d just use it as an opportunity to try to convince you to try to convince him that he?s making a massive error. Which isn?t fair on you and won?t actually help me ? if there?s any convincing to be done, he?s the one who needs to convince himself!
I still hope that we may all meet again under happier circumstances, but if not, you were an awesome bunch of people ? please pass on my best to the others if and when you think it?s appropriate.
Hope you?re experiencing perpetual married bliss and the memories haven?t faded as fast as your tans!
All love
I was aiming for poignant, without seeming pathetic. Which is tricky. Now I just have to wait for Dave to make it all better. I’m doing a lot of waiting here… But in the words of old Iron Limbs (Madonna) “I am extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end”. Still have one last loose end to tie up, in the form of a reply to an email one of his best friends sent to me immediately before Project Reconciliation began that I never replied to as I thought I’d just see him to say thanks, but it was not to be. Part of me thinks I should just let it go, but equally I think it won’t hurt and it may even help – if I can attempt another balance between poignant and desperate. Amazon have confirmed my order shipped today, so maybe I’ll just wait and see what Susan says.
Btw, he did reply to my mail on Friday. And I didn’t reply today. Feels weird not anticipating an email from him every couple of hours. Well, I’m still anticipating the “let’s get back together” email, but I don’t have to worry about those f*cking reports any longer. Is sort of a relief. and I’m yet to look him up on the intranet to see exactly where his new desk is. Although I think I’ll be headed that way at some point this week for my appraisal, so I’ll let you know how that pans out. I’ll be more nervous about seeing him than I will about my appraisal come to think of it. That’s just all wrong.
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