I do have some new facts for you, but they just reinforce the seemingly inescapable conclusion that I am a loooooooooooooser.
1) I had a sunbed on the way back from work tonight. To some, this would be crime enough. Not for me. I spent 10 minutes crying in the sunbed. Yes indeedy.
2) I just went on facebook for the first time since the beginning of June sometime. My best friend said I really should, as at the moment I’m just sitting around wondering and if there’s the worst to find out, maybe I should just find out the worst. All his friends are still friends with me, as is he. I don’t know why this makes me feel better, but it does. I KNOW that I have to delete them all. But I don’t want to. Repeat to fade. Also, writing this has just made me remember to go back and check something (it’s like a sickness). I can now confirm that he is NOT friends with Sarah. Palpable relief. Also, there are a few photos of him being best man at the wedding, but i just looked at the thumbnails quickly enough to establish that he is not in any photos with supermodels. There’s another one of him at a wedding in Ireland that I was supposed to go to during Project Reconciliation but that I didn’t because things were going so badly. It’s of him with his parents (who were always lovely to me) and he’s wearing a t-shirt that I bought him. This really pissed me off and made me jab my screen and call him a wanker. ANGER anyone?! Next stop: despair. ETA: 2 weeks or so?
3) No activity on his feed since 2nd July. Maybe he is also avoiding Facebook out of sick, all-encompassing love that he feels for me? I think the UV rays may have made me delirious…
Be First to Comment