Incredibly, Mickey appeared to take my fisty felchy poem in his stride. In fact, if anything, Sir Jones’ filthy propositions seemed to make him keener than ever:
fromMicheal Kwesi Owusu michealowusu2000@gmail.com
date 1 June 2011 21:10
subjectRe: Your booking at Labadi Beach Hotel
CALL ME +233 207330515 AND I WILL MEET YOU ASAP
I had NOT expected to hear from him again, having felt that I’d ventured so far into the absurd that he was bound to have realised that I was taking the piss. But apparently not. Obviously, I would have to try harder…
Mickey, where oh where have you been? I have already told you that my phone doesn’t work out here and we have quite run out of time to meet – our flight home leaves in a few hours and we shall be away.
Sir Jones II has been very angry with you and is convinced that you are trying to keep all of my money to yourself. I knew that you would return to me however – although I had to restrain him from taking the Somalians out to hunt you down. Luckily, I was able to distract him by suggesting that they put the van and Sir Jones II’s specialist skills to good use. As a result, we are taking home many times the sum that you are holding for me. Let’s hope the sniffer dogs at Kotoka airport aren’t trained to detect rolls and rolls of stolen Ghana Cedis! I am amazed that any of you bother to have bank accounts at all – SJ II said the safes here are the easiest he’s opened since Lindsey Lohan’s house.
Anyway, I digress. I would still like to recoup my funds from you – and to collect my winnings from your tight little rear – but time is pressing. I have left $5000 with Jiminy on reception to cover any sundry expenses that you might incur – I had no idea that obtaining the money would be so difficult or would require such a vast array of accesories and characters. You will need to buy a van as we have had to dispose of the one we had – although if you wish to visit the charred remains, you can see it by the side of Old Winneba Road! [thank you, Google Maps]
I will be back in 1 month so we can unite then. I should probably let you know that Jiminy and I will be spending a lot of time together during my next stay. I’m sure you will understand and forgive my weakness. I had quite given up hope of ever seeing you again and man cannot live on bread alone, he must have crumpet. And Jiminy looks simply delicious when glistening with melted butter. I was entirely powerless to resist. I can scarcely begin to describe the wonders he is capable of once he takes his dentures out, although I do have plenty of video footage that you can admire if you wish. I am still looking forward to enjoying the pleasures of your body and have more than enough to share with you both on my next visit; I may only have 1 throbbing love muscle, but I have 2 balls and 2 fists at your disposal.
I must go, but go and collect the $5000 in cash that I have left with Jiminy at the Labadi Beach Hotel without delay and make all the necessary arrangements. Give him a kiss from me!
I remain in fevered anticipation of enjoying your luscious buttocks – let me know when the cash is in your grasping little hands and we will firm up our plans.
xxx
I hoped the promise of $5k might just be enough to bring him out of hiding. Although he’s probably not even in Accra. He might be mailing me from the Isle of Man.
2 days passed and I got this:
fromMicheal Kwesi Owusu michealowusu2000@gmail.com
date 3 June 2011 12:54
subjectRe: Your booking at Labadi Beach Hotel
you must be joking with all the rubbish you sent me
RUBBISH? I’m not convinced anything I sent him was more ludicrous than his promises of untold wealth paving a corpse-strewn highway. How rude…
Errrrrr, Mickey…
He has not deigned to reply. Ahhhh Mickey, The Fabulous Jones Brothers (and their 4 fists) will miss you.
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