So, this is now officially a longer break-up than the last time.? And I knew it would be, as we evidently got back together way too quickly the last time, but that still doesn’t make me feel any better about things.
Last time, timeline was this:
he dumps me.? on this day, we agree we will meet up 2 1/2 weeks later – which will be valentine’s day.? this is because I am pitiful wreck and he is sympathetic.? No contact from here on in as I am aware that late night pleading phone calls accomplish little (this is not my first break-up.? it was a bitter lesson)
around 6th feb, I send him a heartfelt letter.? It’s not pleading or vitriolic, it’s just you-think-we-don’t-have-a-future-but-I-do-and-this-is-why.? I still have a soft copy of it, it may wind up here someday.? although I dread to think what would provoke its publication!
13th Feb, I realise that his football team are playing on valentine’s day, so mail to say we don’t have to meet up as I’d never have expected him to miss it if wed still been together, so I certainly wouldn’t expect it now.? He says he’s still happy to meet.? He acknowledges that he got the letter and says he’s happy to chat about that as well.? I say I’d rather we just meet for a drink and a catch-up rather than having lengthy sad conversations.
14th feb – we go out.? I am heroic.? we don’t talk about letter or getting back together or anything, but he still gives me no hope of reconciliation.? I go home, cry buckets (and buckets and buckets) and vow never to speak to him again.? I don’t even want to know why the letter didn’t make a difference because all that matters is that he doesn’t want to be with me, i don’t need to know the reasons why.
15th feb – I mail him asking to meet him so we can talk about why the letter hasn’t made a difference because I want to know the reasons why.
17th Feb – we meet and it’s all very bittersweet, he says he just can’t have a girlfriend right now but is really confused as whenever he sees me he misses me/still really fancies me?etc.? I leave feeling positive about things; think he’ll def be back, he just needs 6 months to clear his head.
18th feb – my granddad dies.? oh yes.? thank you, Universe.? just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse etc.? actually wasn’t that close to my granddad, but have been heavily reliant on my mum to be the butt of late-night wailing phone calls and feel extreme guilt that I hadn’t realised she was in the process of losing a parent.? anyhoo, “he” finds out and asks if I want to go out of the building for a drink.? I go and it is AWFUL.? have total meltdown, beg him to take me back, am super-uncool whilst he just looks on aghast and says “but i thought we’d talked about all this and you were coming to terms with things?”.? We agree not to have any further contact as contact is clearly not helping!? I am gutted about this due to his previous proclamations that seeing/speaking to me makes him think he’s made a mistake.
approx a week later, I get a text from him saying he isn’t sure when the funeral is, but he hopes I’m ok.? No open-questions, no nothing, so I don’t reply.? He’s just being nice (he really is nice.? I’m not an idiot, there are many good reasons why I want to be with him, honest).
A week after that, we finally bury my granddad – there wasn’t a spare space at the crematorium to be had for a fortnight, unbelievable.? I have to leave a few hours after the funeral to go to a hen-do.? incongruous in the extreme, I agree, but other option was to mope around london in misery.? So off to dorset I go.? And mope around in misery.? All weekend.? I get back to London late Sunday, watch tv for a while, then just before I go to bed (having actually forgotten about my phone for the first time in 48 hours), I look at my phone and I have a 4-page text from him, saying that he has really missed me, he realises he’s made a mistake and he wants a chance to put things right.? I, at first, think that this a cruel hoax by someone who has found his phone in the street, but I call him and it’s all true.? Cue about 5 days of happiness (literally) before it all starts to?Go Wrong again.
Now, I have just told you all of this – and risked looking like an obsessive compulsive freak of nature what with total recollection of dates and events – because I am inevitably comparing Break Up MkI with Break Up MkII.? And I am not happy with current progress.
The last time round, it essentially only took him 2 weeks of non-contact to miss me and come back.? Now, whilst I agree that this was FAR TOO QUICK and led to inevitability of Break Up MkII (much as Anschluss made WWII inevitable – discuss) I am obviously gutted and distressed that 7 weeks of NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER has not made him come pelting back, travelling at the speed of light, wanting to make a supersonic woman out of me.
Time line so far is this:
He dumps me.
I don’t call or email.? Nor does he.? We see each other in passing two or three times.? Occasional work-related contact.
5 weeks pass like this.
My uncle dies (I’m not making this up.? I can never get dumped again or I’ll have no family left).?? This makes me think that both break-ups are destined to be identical, just with longer spaces in between.? He doesn’t know about uncle.
2 more weeks pass.?
We see one another (Dooms Night last thurs)
Still nothing.
Where’s the drunken remorseful phone call when you want it?????
Rationally, I know that it will take longer this time.? More rationally, I know that I am a crazy person to be talking about?how long it will take this time.? ?I should just give up on this whole caper, for sake of own sanity and future happiness.
Spent the weekend back home and was?consoled by a gaggle of wise welsh hairdressers – have been getting my hair done there for the last 10 years.? Last time I went was the weekend after the “let’s get back?together text” so was?jubilant.? Luckily my mum had popped in a few days ago to warn them to to expect so they had chocolate and a bottle of wine at the ready (I declined the wine, it was 8:30 in the?morning)?.??So i sat and?cried in the chair?for 4 hours with my foils in whilst they took it in turns to tell?me I’m beautiful/he’s a tosser/it’ll all be alright.? What a sight…?
P.S. 2 years yesterday since our first kiss :(?
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