I PROMISE I did not fish for this info – had a chance encounter in the lift with somebody who mentioned it in passing.
He leaves his job this week. As of Monday he’s on a new floor, with a new team and I no longer get 5 mails a day from him. Which also robs me of 5 opportunities a day to reply with something devastatingly funny so that he falls madly in love with me. Even worse, I lose all 5 opportunities a day to wail and gnash my teeth that he’s not mailing to say “I made a mistake. Let’s get married”. As I literally think about him all day (seriously, it’s a wonder I get anything else done) I’ll be at my desk, willing him to mail me then, as if by magic, a mail from him pops up in my box (oo-er missus) and my heart leaps “He heard me! He wants to come back!”. Then I realise it’s just this crappy report that he sends out to a whole bunch of people. THEN I’m a bundle of nervous energy as I open it, in case there’s a problem for me in there which I can use as a pretext to mail him – strictly business though. It is EXHAUSTING being me. But I’m going to really miss it…
As if I haven’t revealed enough of my sheer desperation, get your heads around THIS little revelation… So, we will literally have nothing to do with one another as of Monday and any contact will be reduced to us bumping into one another by chance. To this end (I am dying of embarrassment even typing this) when I was at a low ebb the other day (which was no excuse. And now I’m just using these brackets to delay my revelation) (and a bit longer) I used our company intranet to look up where his new team sit and was heartened to discover that he’ll be a mere 30 feet away from a corridor that I have to walk down to go to a meeting room that my boss frequently uses. So I may be able to catch snatched glimpses of the back of his head at least every couple of weeks or so. This thought ACTUALLY made me feel a bit better about things. I despair of myself…
and… whilst we’re on the topic of me doing stuff that will make you think I’m a loser, this seems as good a time as any to share this: obviously, I still read his horoscope. It’s RIGHT NEXT to mine you know so therefore IMPOSSIBLE to avoid… I scour the pages greedily for some sign that the cosmos is sending him back to me but usually his says something like “Today is an excellent day for new romance, hot stuff. Set yourself free of old constraints and live life to the full” or similar, which sets me off into further Black Doom (as if I needed any encouragement whatsoever where Black Doom is concerned). Anyway, I actually kept last night’s for blog-purging purposes. It’s stuff like this (i.e. stuff that is in no way based on facts or reality) that makes me live in hope:
Me
If you think it could make you happy, than go for it. But if you suspect you’ll be left with questions unanswered, then don;t make any decisions until you’re really sure. This is one of those potentially life-changing decisions, so be careful not to rush into anything you could live to regret
Him
Whatever relationshipy you’re attepting to rekindle – be it a romance,or smply a friendhsip that’s lost its way – don’t expect too much too soon, either from yourself or from the other party. Simply let things take their course, or you run the risk of misunderstandings and ill thought-out words coming between you again.
I mean COME ON. Case closed, right? We are SO getting back together.
(I know, I know, I’m not safe to roam the streets. Or even read the paper!)
Gah.
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